Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Teenagers today are WEAK...we 80's kids knew how to get our Teen on

I wasn't a good teenager.  I was trouble. Drugs, parties, running away.  Oh, I've got some fun stories.  Like the time my friend Margo and I took off, got on a Greyhound, took it as far as our money would take us (1/2 way to our final intended destination), started hitchhiking, wound up at some old dude's house, too much weed and hashish, got back out on the road on foot, more hitchhiking, coffee shops, Christian families who pick up hitchhiking teens, blah, blah, blah....  But this story isn't about me.  It's about one of my kids and how I am training each one to be fully evil.

*CAVEAT - none of this is illegal, so don't bother sending CPS to look for me *

When my (now 19 year old) stepdaughter was in the 9th or 10th grade, she was being harassed mercilessly by a former girlfriend, Tati. I don't know why or what really happened, but I know that they used to be best of friends and then *shrug* they weren't.  Stepdaughter would tell me stories Tati spreading rumors about my stepdaughter.  Eventually, when you give me enough ammo, you'll get a pretty cool fire-fight.

One day, my stepdaughter came to me with a note.  The note was a love letter handwritten by Tati and some horned up boy at school.  They were passing the note back and forth in class.  The note went something like this:

Boy:  So, when you gonna let me hit it?

Tati: whenever you want. You wanna come to my house? The address is ....

Boy:  Yeah.

Tati:  ok, my mom won't be home, so come over tomorrow right after school and I'll give you alllll the loving (insert lurid and graphic details of what she plans to do to the boy).

Boy: right on. I'll be there and I'll (insert lurid and graphic details of what he plans to do to Tati).

While most parents would be disturbed and outraged that 2 young people were writing back and forth in such a manner, THIS mom right here?  Meh.  I don't care.  I know kids are "doing it".  Hell I'M doing it. But again, this is not about me.

"So, uh, you want Tati to stop messing you at school? I think we can get her fully distracted enough to just leave you alone.  Gimme that note."

The next day, in an unprecedented sneak attack, hundreds of copies of that very personal handwritten note, complete with the girl's address and her (and the boy's) names/signatures, were found strewn all over the school - in the cafeteria, in the locker room, in the hallways, on the football field....

Moral?  Don't fuck with my kids.  I have a lot of pent up teenage angst to unleash.

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