Monday, September 12, 2011

I have a disease called SPITE


[spahyt] Show IPA noun, verb, spit·ed, spit·ing.
1. a malicious, usually petty, desire to harm, annoy, frustrate, or humiliate another person; bitter ill will; malice.
2. a particular instance of such an attitude or action; grudge.
3. Obsolete . something that causes vexation; annoyance.
I don't think it's particularly malicious, how I execute my spite.  It, moreso, has to do with: when I get really angry to the point of the humiliating, public, "angry-cry", I get very very driven to SHOW SOMEONE. That someone doesn't have to be a real person.  Shit, the someone is frequently me.  So. I think I'm spite-y towards myself.  If that's possible.  The good part of that, though, is that it always moves me fervently forward in my personal growth and life progress.
Apparently, last week's talking-to got me real mad.  And I decided that I need to not work for other people for a whole lot longer.  I like when other people pay me. I like that I'm not ultimately responsible for the well-being of the company, its staff or its product(s). But I don't like that I have to check in with someone and I have to account to someone. And I obviously don't want to keep the office hours that have been firmly suggested to me. And by firmly, I mean, "keep these hours or we'll fire you".  I have, therefore, decided to further reduce stress in my life.  I will be slowly and methodically looking for a cushy job closer to home that pays nearly the same with similar or better benefits. I don't know if such a thing exists, but I aim to find out.
I have also decided to earn my degree.  In the mid-90's I went to a community college in California.  It was mostly for shits and giggles, but, turns out some of those credit will likely transfer.  Yay me!!
While most people fight against their main disease or illness, I usually let mine carry me away.  Oddly, my ailments are usually and eventually to my benefit.

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