Tuesday, January 10, 2012

More talk of female plumbing

I regret to inform you that soon I will be off work following a hysterectomy and will probably be posting drug-induced blog updates about my female parts.

I am scheduled to have the da Vinci method (robotic arm) hysterectomy and cervix removal on Friday, January 13th. What's that? Do I know that's FRIDAY THE 13TH? Why yes. Yes, I do. Just so happens that's always been a good luck day for me. And while I'm not nervous about the procedure itself, I am nervous about which things will work or NOT work a few months from now.

I made the huge mistake of visiting a "support website" for hysterectomy patients. I know what I'm getting into, but sweet baby Jesus on a ritz cracker...these women could put on a doom and gloom clinic. After visiting the website I am now convinced that I will be sexually dysfunctional to the point of no penetration whatsoever, I will gain 80 pounds, I will have severe anxiety and hysteria for the rest of my life, and terrible, unspeakable things will happen all over the world. Apparently a woman's uterus removal can cause the world to stop spinning. I just really wish I hadn't gone to that damn website.

And YOU?! You will have the pleasure of following all the high drama and talk of my human internal organs for the next couple of weeks. Unless I'm too high on pain killers...then I"ll just disappear and reappear in February like nothing ever happened.

Wish me luck, bitches!

No comments:

Post a Comment