Friday, April 8, 2011

Delicious dinner followed by Lubed Condoms.

[If my kids ever get hold of this blog, they'll smother me in my sleep. Must start locking bedroom door at night.]

I'll spare my little girl the shame of discussing how the topic TRULY came up, but for some reason, my 8-yo was asking sex questions last night. Actually, she started asking about CHEATING and that, naturally, led to a discussion about lust and sex. *hangs head in shame* Because I'm (??) mom, I expounded a bit. Maybe I need to lay off the Pinot Grigio for chrissake.

"So, what are nuts? OH!! Is THAT why the call is a 'sac'? and how does a girl not get pregnant?"


I am actually quite proud to announce that my daugher didn't know about sperm or erections...or (clearly) even about testicles. But her curiosity about condoms was fascinating. And so, in true ME fashion, I grabbed a condom out of my closet and I grabbed the last banana, and I called my son to come downstairs for a demonstration.

What seemed like a very informative and educational process is now etched in my brain as a "WHAT-THE-FUCK!? COULDN'T-THAT-HAVE-WAITED-A-COUPLE-MORE-YEARS?!" moment. Did I mention the STD pamphlet that daughter now has hidden in her 2nd drawer? Or the [extra] condom my son snatched out of my hand and fled back upstairs with?

FML. I need a goddamn parenting coach.

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