Monday, August 1, 2011

Some Ex-Spouses should be set ablaze

My exhusband has 2 kids with his first wife. In 1997, when the kids were 4 and 7, she split and she left the kids with my exhusband...said exhusband was shacking up with me at the time (we met well after their divorce - I'm a harlot, not a homewrecker). Exhusband and I had a son in July 1998 and a daughter in August 2002.  In 2009, after 12 fucked up years, I left exhusband, taking my 2 kids and my stepdaughter. In 2010, ex moved back to California.

Okay, are we all caught up?  Exxxxxcellent.  This information is germane to the rest of this post.  It is a true story and only the names have been changed to protect the innocent (namely, my kids).

Last Friday was ex's birthday. My daughter was set to call him in the afternoon after day care to wish him a happy birthday.  Stepdaughter texted him in the morning. My son, whose birthday was 2 weeks ago, received a call from his dad some time Friday on his own cell phone.  Strangely, there was a message on the home phone from ex with the greeting "Hi Ken and Nicole" which is only 1/2 correct.  Ken is our shared son and Nicole hasn't lived with me for over a year.  He got OUR daughter's name wrong.  Which is quite common. He spells it wrong all the time.  It's quite shameful.  But I digress (for now).  After picking up my daughter, she tried to call her dad, but his cell phone was not on (overdue bill probably).  On the way home from day care, however, he was able to borrow a phone and he called my cell in search of daughter.

*ring ring* I hand the phone to daughter since it's ex's area code and I KNOW he isn't calling for me.

Daughter:  Hey dad. Happy birthday!

*insert drunken slurring from ex* [we're on speaker because she can't hear him on the handset for some odd reason]

SOB:  Hi baby. How are ya. Lemme talk to your mom.


Daughter: (clearly nervous, hands me the cell phone)

ME: Hi.

SOB: Issss mah bithday.

ME:  Yes.  I know.  Happy birthday. (Keep it cool, girl.  Your kid is in the car)

SOB: Um, c'you pay my phone?

ME:  I'm sorry? What was that?? (Barely able to keep the laugh in)

SOB: C'you plea pay mah phone bill.  Isss mah birfday.

ME:  (choking down the hysteria) I'm sorry.  I can not do that.

SOB: Ungh. 'Kay. (random gurgling) Lemm talk to Daughter.

They chatted for about another 20 seconds and then he hung up.  When I got home Ken asked if his dad had called me.  He mentioned that his dad had called him and asked for my cell number.

I asked son, "did he tell you it was is birthday?"

Son: Yeah. Of course.

Me:  Did you mention to him that he forgot to call you on YOUR birthday 2 weeks ago?

Son: No, Mom. I'm not that kind of person.

Me:  Hopefully you'll grow into being that kind of person, babe. It's just not okay.

I used to want my ex to quietly pass away on the couch. Nowadays, I don't care if he goes out long as he goes out. Yeah.  I said that shit.

No comments:

Post a Comment