Monday, May 9, 2011

70 year old men are kinda gross and they don't give a good goddamn

And by gnarly, I mean dizzzzgusting. And also annoying. My little 70-yo boss is an attention-whore. He MUST have it. He will do things like stand at my desk while I actively ignore him and he'll DEMAND that I acknowledge him. When I don't, he does things like bang on my desktop or swirl water through his teeth loudly. He also likes to stand at my desk (again, while I ignore him) and shove papers at me. Like, he tries to HAND them to me. It's preposterous!

Because my boss is 70, he sometimes has a little trouble with his computer and any software program he may be using at any given time. When he has trouble, he starts waving frantically from his office which is directly across from my desk. My peripheral vision picks up the arm waving, but my eyeballs stay trained on my computer screen. Because me reading blogs is ALWAYS going to supersede the need for my boss to get his own work done. But then I remember "getting his own work done" means I don't have to do it. So, I will 9 times out of 10, help him with his computer. Because I'm a giver.

My 70-yo boss is retiring in June. In order of grossness, what I will NOT miss:

- His daily post-lunch flatulence. He should consider eating less roughage. And also, how can NO ONE but me hear his gas? Because sometimes he's on the phone with a client when he rips it. And I promise you, it's a RIP, not a silent blower.

- Snorfling. This is a particularly disturbing manifestation of his need for attention. Because no one could possibly be that snot-filled. NO ONE. Which leads me to believe that maybe the snorfling is simply a tic. Like a small Tourettes outbreak every 20 minutes.

- Nail clipping. I believe this is self-explanatory.

- The nose picking. Despite my boss' generosity (sometimes when he gets a craving for chips, he offers me 1/2 the bag because he can't finish them all...unfortunately it's the 2ND half of the bag...the bag he's already had his hands in) I cannot accept any food items from him.

Considering the fact that he's 70 and still running through airports like OJ and still has all his wits and can remember specific shit from 1970 when I can't remember what color underwear I have on today...he's pretty rad. But that doesn't make him less gross. Good thing for him that he doesn't really give a shit.

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