Thursday, May 5, 2011

Is it wrong to expect a doctor to be...doctorly?

I am shacked up with a man who we'll call Lo. Lo is 38 years old and he plays semi-pro football. Semi-pro football is the same as pop warner (pee wee) football, except with very large and dangerous adults. The players are not paid to play, but every once in a while a young player can work his way into a school if he gets his skills up.

Last Saturday Lo was injured when a filthy, nasty, humungous lineman landed on Lo's head and neck. He received what was assumed to be a stinger. After not feeling any relief on Sunday we decided to go to an urgent care clinic for quick analysis and possible relief. And this is where it gets greusome.

After checking in and waiting for almost an hour, we were led to a room. A portly man-nurse took Lo's vitals and advised that he'd be getting a CT scan just to rule out some obvious neck fracture. Well, Lo couldn't even lay flat enough for the CT, so he came back to the room and the nice nurse game him some drrrrrugs to relaxxxxx him so they could get the CT.

Some time later, a man in red scrubs came in. He smelled like he'd bathed in a fish tank and his lips were covered with food. I'm not kidding....he had food particles ALL over his mouth. It was all we could do not to visibly gag. He was just absolutely the dirtiest person I've seen, notwithstanding homeless urchins, of course. He proceeded to ask a few questions while picking the wax out of his ear with his eye glasses. DUDE! Really??

When he went back to his desk out in the middle of the common area of the clinic, I watched him. He had 2 styrofoam plates of food...looked like some sort of spring rolls or something with dipping sauce. But there was food all over the desk and all underneath his chair. He never used a utensil and he never ONCE washed or Purexed his hands. He's a prime candidate for some sort of gut disease. Frankly, I was wondering what type of tapeworm he had. The guy was only about 5'5" and about 120lbs but he ate more in an hour than I eat in 2 days. And he was drinking diet Doctor Pepper, but at the end of every sip, he'd squinch up his face and stick out his tongue twice like a lizard as if the fizz was almost too much to bear. The whole damn thing was weird.

I told Lo last night, "Thank God he never tried to TOUCH you. We'da both freaked out. He was that repulsive".

As for the injury? Well, he's still got the stinger 5 days later. He has an MRI scheduled for Friday.

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