Tuesday, June 7, 2011

I should write something. Let's go with PENIS.

Seeing as how I'm not really doing this blog in any sort of organized fashion, I guess I don't always have anything interesting to say. However, I should probably write SOME-DAMN-THING in order to keep this tool slightly less than blunt.

I honor of Annah's (Red Means Go) blog and maybe because of Anthony Weiner's crotch shot, I will continue the penis erectus conversation.

I wonder if there's a new special ingredient in weed that reduces the flacidity (is that a word?) in men smokers. I seem to recall back in my [much] younger days, the potheads had a terrible time trying to keep fully erect. Of the several potheads I've met in the past couple of years. however, this no longer seems to be an issue. Ahem. I mean...er... Anyway, so I wonder if there's something new in the pot or if the older guys just know how to keep things working, or WHAT the deal is. You get less action from the drunks that's for sure. It makes smoking pot not such a boring adventure any more. [DISCLAIMER: I do not smoke pot. However, several people in my immediate and no-so-immediate circle do smoke.]

Something else that is interesting about the peni: many men would argue that they're not big enough. Or they'd like to be bigger. Let me tell you something, you average Joes. Bigger is NOT always better. There's the obvious issue of having to be compatible with your mate. Some girls just don't want (read: can't take) that much junk. Oh, it's fun every once in a while, but on a regular basis? Not so much. There's only so much space in there, believe it or not. Another thing men don't know is: MANY very large penises don't get fully erect. I'm not sure if the owner of said penis realizes this...maybe it's just normal for him to be humungous in a semi-erect state and it just doesn't matter all that much since it's more than enough even in the 1/2 hard state. I have some special advise for you...I don't know ONE woman alive who enjoys riding a 1/2 soft penis. There's nothing exciting about a penis flipping in and flipping out. It's meant to be all the way hard so it stays in. Therefore, 1/2-erect + gigantic = not a whole lotta fun. Appreciate what you have fellas...we really prefer a fully functioning normal-sized unit.

I HAVE to mention for my single male friends, I am SO glad you're using condoms. It is extremely important that you stay protected. But can I PLEASE ask you to buy the right size? You do not need a Super-Duper Magnum condom to cover the shaft, dear. A regular Trojan or Lifestyle will suffice. Also, do you know how FREAKY it is to have a too-big condom come off during the act, only to be found hours later? DAYS later? I won't go into graphic detail. I'll let you mull that one over. It is rather disturbing and completely avoidable. So, please use a rubber that fits YOU and stop worrying that your partner will notice that you're normal-sized. Trust me, she'll notice either way and probably not mind.

Last note about the penis: we know you enjoy certain, er...oral engagements. But can I suggest that you not force us down upon your member> Ears are not handlebars and you might get more action if you stop trying to asphyxiate us. Enjoy your day, darlings!

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